How To Get Your Boyfriend Back After You Cheated on Him
by Anthony Malibu
You cheated... he dumped you... but you want him back. Yet to win him over, you need to find out exactly how you can get your boyfriend to forgive you for cheating, and what you can do to earn his trust again, so that he'll want to continue with the relationship.
Nothing destroys a relationship faster than cheating. The effects are devastating, long-lasting, and in some cases even permanent.
If you cheated on your boyfriend and got caught, chances are good he broke up with you. But if your cheating was nothing more than a fling or mindless sexual encounter, losing your man is the last thing you wanted. It's a heartbreaking loss that can actually be avoided, with the right first moves.
Getting your boyfriend back after you've been unfaithful is a little different than fixing a normal breakup. In some ways it's harder, mostly because you have to overcome his views of your cheating and infidelity.
In other ways however, it's a lot easier to work your way back into his heart. Why? Because losing you was something he never wanted to begin with. It was sprung upon him unexpectedly, and this is your biggest asset when it comes to getting him back.
Cheating Caused the Breakup... Not The Decline of the Relationship
When your boyfriend dumped you for cheating, it was probably a kneejerk reaction. He was hurt, he was upset, and it was the only thing he really knew how to do. Breaking up with you was his way of punishing you for what you did, but at the same time he's losing a girlfriend as well. In this way, he's actually punishing himself.
This is good news if you're trying to get your boyfriend back. If he broke up with you because he didn't love you, you drifted apart, or because he met someone else... it would be a lot harder to regain his attention. But since he never had the chance to imagine his life without you - because the relationship ended abruptly due to cheating - your now ex boyfriend never got used to the idea of losing you from his life.
What to Do After He Catches You Cheating - First Moves
The first thing you need to do after your boyfriend catches you being unfaithful is always the same: accept his reaction. Don't try to explain yourself, make excuses, or otherwise fight your boyfriend's overwhelming urge to break up with you. Anything you say or do right now is going to fall on deaf ears... your man has every right to be upset, and it's always best to leave him to his anger.
In fact, fighting against that anger is only going to make him more mad and upset. By resisting his anger - even if you're only trying to calm him down or assuage him - will be taken as a sign of you trying to downplay the cheating or lessen his feelings about it.
Letting your boyfriend be angry is the best move right now. Violence is another matter entirely - if he starts throwing stuff around the room or threatening you, leave immediately. The longer you stick around, the worst things will get.
But if he's raging and crying and getting certain feelings out right now? That's probably a good thing. As long as you don't stay too long, or say too much, and as long as you accept his right to be angry, disappointed, and upset over what happened.
Apologizing For Being Unfaithful - Keeping It Short and Sweet
At some point your boyfriend will stop raging against the bad news and expect some sort of reaction out of you. This is where you need to apologize, and you need to do it correctly. Tell him that you're sorry for what you did, and that you knew it was wrong when you did it. Be genuine and heartfelt, and make him believe it.
Do NOT make excuses here, such as "I cheated because of XYZ..." Your boyfriend doesn't want to hear excuses, or anything you might say to try and lessen your guilt. He'll take any type of explanation as a deflection of blame, and right now you need to accept how he feels to move forward.
Also refrain from trying to comiserate with him, by telling him you 'know how painful' it must be for him right now. Lower your head and accept responsibility. Don't say you're sorry more than once, and don't keep apologizing. The more you do, the more blame you're taking on, and the more harshly your boyfriend will go back at you.
Your goal here is to minimize the punishment. Right now your boyfriend feels as if he needs to make you feel just as bad as he does, or even worse. By bowing your head and accepting things rather than fight them, you're giving him an outlet for these bad feelings.
Walking Away - Getting Out Before Things Get Worse
After you've apologized, you should stick around no more than five or six minutes. Staying any longer than that is only going to give your boyfriend more of an opportunity to re-hash the cheating, to say mean things to you, and to keep going over the whole scenario in his head. You want to apologize, accept the fact that he's breaking things off, and walk cleanly away without begging or pleading for a second chance. This form of damage control is a very crucial step in learning how to get your boyfriend back after cheating.
Making Your Ex Boyfriend Miss and Want You Again
By keeping your apology short and leaving before your boyfriend could continue to bash you, something very important happens: his anger subsides. Instead of concentrating on ways to make you pay or feel guilty for cheating on him, your boyfriend has to start worrying about where you're going... and who you're going to see.
"Is she going to see him? Is that it?
Why didn't she fight to keep the relationship?"
These are the questions that will start flying through your boyfriend's mind, taking the place of his anger toward you. He'll be more worried than upset at this point, and although he still hasn't forgiven you for cheating on him he'll start wondering whether or not a permanent breakup is something he really wants.
This is where your ex will start missing you, especially since your next move is NOT to call or contact him. Even though you cheated on him... even though you betrayed his trust... you must turn the tables right here and now in order to win your boyfriend back. If you give up total control you're giving up any chance of dating him again, which is why you need to keep him wanting to see and be with you.
Earning Your Boyfriend's Trust After Cheating on Him
After being genuinely sorry for your infidelity, accepting his anger, and withdrawing from your boyfriend's world for a while, it's time to make one last apology. Here's where you tell him how sorry you are for what happened, and how it will never, ever happen again. Your boyfriend might not believe you right now, but that's okay. He needs to hear these words from your lips if there's any hope of getting back together with you again.
This is where you need to apply clean slate techniques designed to wipe away the past and get your boyfriend to trust you again. Learning these methods is absolutely necessary if you want any chance of a long-term future relationship.
In the end, getting him to forgive you is easier than you think. Getting him to forget will be much harder. Moving a relationship past cheating requires a lot of effort on both sides, but it also requires moving forward after a certain amount of time and NOT fixating on what happened in the past.